DC's Poet Realtor

  • November 7th 2012

by Shilpi Paul

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DC's Poet Realtor: Figure 1
Tom Faison

The multiple listing service allows real estate agents to use 400 characters to describe the properties that they list. While most home listings remark prosaically on stainless steel appliances, granite countertops and FPs (fireplaces), one agent in DC has been using his limited space to appeal to potential buyers’ sense of poetry.

“I have always believed that folks don’t buy what they read, but what they feel,” said Tom Faison, a real estate agent whose unusual listings caught our attention in recent months.

Faison has been selling homes for over 22 years and has written about a thousand descriptions. His listing paragraphs often meander through metaphors and similes, using evocative language and rhymes to capture the feel of the home, rather than the details. He doesn’t like to reiterate information, like “four bedrooms,” than can be easily read elsewhere on the page. “The redundancy causes my mind to wander and my eyes to glaze over,” Faison said.

Here are a few recent gems:

Venus and Mars are completely aligned…Entertainment space will make a grown woman sigh & a 2-car garage to make a grown man cry. 21-feet wide and over twice as deep, with an almost meandering quality to the social space. Large enough for fifty and intimate enough for five. Separate 2 bedroom unit and a master bath you could play bridge in.

A Speck of Dust would Perish in this Immaculate Home. Clean lines and sophisticated engineering blend in perfect harmony. Light + Livability + Location = Slam Dunk! The home by itself is a work of art, the neighborhood a storybook. Put the 2 together and it’s like dinner in Paris…A BMW on the Autobahn.

This is a Crocus bulb, planted last Fall, emerging from the earth…Oh Yeah, it is Spring! A garden feast of light-seeking design, built with natural materials and state-of-the-art systems. Very little cultivation and maintenance in this forest of development reaps abundant investment harvest. A REDWOOD HOUSE AT A BLADE OF GRASS PRICE!

Faison also dislikes the hyperbolic language that fills many listings, words like “gorgeous” and “light-filled” attached to almost anything. “I’m a big fan of the under-sell,” he remarks. As proof? For a recent uninspiring home, Faison included this line: “What the hell do you want for half a million dollars?”

DC's Poet Realtor: Figure 2

In light of Tuesday’s election, UrbanTurf asked Faison to write a listing for a home that recently had two intense bidders — The White House.

Truly one of Washington’s best addresses! Perfect for declaring war or making peace. Bullet-proof systems and security. The mortgage is free, will fill friends with glee, you can even sell sleepovers for a nominal fee! Shown only by appointment.

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This article originally published at https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/dcs_poet_realtor/6265.

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